Zivan Vasquez

Class of


  • Auntie Tartan (for the homies!)

    Q. I’ve been seeing this guy for the last month or so, but he’s not willing to say we’re dating yet. How do I move this relationship to the next level?
    A. Don’t force him to say anything. Instead, just subtly escalate the relationship. When you’re holding hands, squeeze your wedding vows to him in Morse code. When you’re kissing in the rain, pause and ask if he’s seen “The Notebook.” Ask again. T...

    Pillbox | November 22, 2021
  • OnlyFans partners with body cam manufacturers in daring police reform

    Sex sells, and it might soon also protect and serve. While ostensibly a tool for accountability, one major criticism of body cams is that many officers conveniently turn them off when participating in, shall we say, “extrajudicial activities.” However, in a stroke of genius, OnlyFans has offered to partner with local law enforcement to incentivize the use of body cams. Now, police officers have a ...

    Pillbox | November 15, 2021
  • Auntie Tartan (back of the envelope)

    Q. I want to keep going to class, but it’s getting so cold; I prefer to stay in my warm bed. How do I get moving in the morning?
    A. When you think about it, the reason why beds are warm is that humans are warm. We heat our beds, which trap the heat and keep us cozy. So what remains is to reduce how much heat you produce. Start by eating colder things, like frozen yogurt or print-out screenshots o...

    Pillbox | November 15, 2021
  • Dune

    This article contains spoilers for Dune (2021)

    Pillbox | November 8, 2021
  • G20 Summit: calm, cool, and collected

    Brrr! Do you feel that? That’s the chill of one world leader throwing shade at another. And speaking of shade, maybe we should invest in a global umbrella, what with the world being on fire and all. To anyone who participates in edging (you know who-o-o-o you are), the G20 Summit is like Lollapalooza. It’s a bunch of people cramped together who are on the verge of agreement, but can’t quite get th...

    Forum | November 8, 2021