Beware Dra-corona!!!

This is a fictionalized story about COVID-19.

Dracorona, the blood-sucking vampire, awakes from his dusty tomb after a millennium of lifeless slumber. His fangs emerge as he smirks to himself, wipes blood off his chin, and dashes out of the cemetery. A gleam of moonlight strikes Dracorona’s face, and he is instantly energized, itching to discover new snacks inside the human world. While his species has been around for centuries, nobody had met anyone quite like this vampire before. Quite frankly, the world was not prepared.

The vampire infected his first victim while disguised in bat form. After news of his bite spread, some were petrified, but others remained optimistic that Dracorona’s thirst for human blood would soon grow weak. They continued with everyday life, thinking they would be safe as long as the vampire didn’t come to their country, their neighborhoods, their backyards. But soon enough, the world came to fear Dracorona.

On his world tour, the vampire continued biting unsuspecting civilians, eventually extending his influence overseas. His bites were painful and even deadly for some, while others didn’t even know they were bitten at all. Dracorona’s bites were especially dangerous for senior citizens, who were bitten at higher rates than the rest of the population. Instantly, Dracorona became a parasite the world was unable to get rid of. His bites were discovered to be airborne, traveling distances up to six feet apart. The vampire followed his victims to school, convinced public places to shut down, and even subjected the world to the displeasures of social distancing.

Nevertheless, students are ready to fight the vampire at Carnegie Mellon University, assembling classmates and faculty to repel the virus from the Pittsburgh community. Knowing Dracorona’s weak spots, they arm their campus with masks and hand sanitizer. First-Year business administration major Eyal Davidov said that to prevent the vampire’s bite, “students need to wear a mask,” further explaining,“ social distancing should be maintained whenever possible.”

If the Tartans follow their responsibilities to defeat the vampire, they will eventually return to a life without dreading Dracorona’s bites. Freshman engineering major Eric Grynberg said, “Sometimes I need a hug from my friends, then I realize [Dra]coronavirus exists.” Now, students are being tested to determine whether or not they have been bitten. When describing their experience getting tested, an anonymous first-year Dietrich student explained, “if you are discovered to have a bite, you get sent to isolation housing until the vampire’s trace leaves your body. The system is not perfect, but it works.”

So please, Tartans, do your part to prevent Dracorona the vampire from biting his way into our semester.