Adele for Awkward People

Hello. It’s me.

I was wondering if you could help me out. I mean, I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but rumor has it that you’re the number one Dr. Feel Good in town. Deep down I must have always known that I’d have to bear my soul at some point, but I never thought that it would be in a reputable and prestigious newspaper, with a circulation of several thousand. So I mean it’s not a huge deal, but like it’s a pretty big deal to me, ya know? So like I was talking with my friend Madge, and she was telling me how my singing voice is exactly like a Sia-Adele-power-ballad love-child, and I was like “Yeah, no, I totally see it.” And she was going on about how famous I could totally be if I only tried harder to let my life fall apart artistically rather than letting my life go to shambles and not capitalizing on it.

So now I’m wondering, right, how do I go about having my life artistically fall into shambles? Should I take up some kinda illicit behaviors like stealing candy or walking around town with my top off? I really don’t wanna go so far as to start smoking the crack or injecting the marijuanas, but like, I might do it if there’s no other option. And like what do I have to write about, ya know? I’ve got my family, we’re as well-adjusted as it gets; I’ve got no addictions, awkward habits, outstanding warrants, or felony charges. So like yeah, what do I do? I’ve got the singing voice and the outrageous talent and the femme-fatal beehive down pat, but I don’t know how to go about ruining my life right. Help a sistah out?

Amazing Damsel Exploring Live-ruining Escapades


You’re correct; I do have much experience with artistically ruining my own life for the sake of art. I think it’s important to distinguish between art for art’s sake and art for fame’s sake. I think you’re seeking fame, and really that’s the one where a ruined life is more detrimental than advantageous. When you’re just an artist doing your little art thing, there’s art in like everything. Like the sky is art, and the moon is art, and the lint you find between your big and second toes is like hella art.

But when you’re famous, it’s all about the glitz and the glamour and the hookers and blow. You can ruin your life for fame, in which case you’ll be regarded as a very talented weirdo, or you can ruin your life for art’s sake and be worshipped by a small but manic group of art-children. In order to ruin your life for art, you must first know which genre of art you are willing to sacrifice for; consider the possibilities and the potential (dis)advantages for each genre. Only then will you be able to reach the transcendent status of a desolate and despairing artiste.

Joshua “Feel-Good” Brown