Advice for awkward people

Dear Matt & Ryan,

Carnival! Carnival! Carnival! It’s here! I thought I’d be moving on my sorority’s booth in the rain on Friday, but I didn’t! Instead I’m just slaved to building the damn thing for the next 72 hours, which is oh so wonderful. I can’t wait to watch all the happy children climb around this carefully constructed junge gym of fun! Carnival! I’m so happy! Sunshine! Rainbows! Kittens!

Sincerely,
Unbelievably Naive Into Carnival, Operating Really No Sleep

Dear UNICORNS,
It is wonderful that you are so excited about Carnival, we too have been checking isitcarnivalyet.com constantly for the last two weeks. Which is probably the reason that we both got zeros on our midterms, but that doesn’t matter! Spring has come again. We will get to eat artery-clogging state-fair food in the Morewood parking lot! Both of us have been looking forward to our last Carnival here at Carnegie Mellon, and are kinda glad that we don’t have to see Carnival moved next to the CFA parking lot.

Seriously, a Ferris-wheel view of the University Center isn’t as cool as one of Gates.
Ryan & Matt

Dear Ryan & Matt,

I’m really surprised that although both of you are seniors, and have plans for after graduation, you are still as invested in everything as you’ve ever been! What is your secret? I’m dying to know so that I can be as good a senior as you two next year.

Sincerely, **
**Nebby, Attached, Student Activity Leader

Dear NASAL,
To answer your question, the reason that we are as good of seniors as we were sophomores and juniors is that we both really want to graduate, and get out of here. Don’t get us wrong, Carnegie Mellon has been a great place to get an education, but we are ready to do something else with our lives. Matt got that scuba-diving job, and Ryan is eloping with his roommate’s girlfriend. As such, we both have caught a case of senioritis ahead of our last Carnival as students, and have decided to enjoy April in Pittsburgh. This is our last advice column. We are sorry to no longer be able to offer sage advice to all you awkward members of the Tartan audience, but all good things must come to an end.

We’ll always live on in your memories, however terrible our puns were.
With love,
Matt & Ryan