advice for awkward people

Dear Evan,

I went to Palo Alto for a critical job interview this weekend, and I think it went really well. There’s just one problem: I spent all my time getting ready for the job interview and neglected to do any of my coursework. Now it’s Sunday, and some friends want to go out for drinks, but I’ve got a couple huge problem sets to wrangle before tomorrow. Should I stay behind and get my work done, or go get wasted and sleep on the plane ride over?

Gently Ruminating At Day’s End, Already Engorging Generous Gulps of Hefeweizen, like an Eye of A Duck


You’re such a good student! It makes me want to punch you.

Go out for drinks! You probably just won a job — that’s what you’re in school for! Yes, I understand, you go to Carnegie Mellon, you have a reputation to maintain, a QPA to keep up, gobble gobble gobble gobble. What’s life without the possibility of throwing up on a plane the morning after?
It’s about time for you to catch the disease that’s sweeping the nation. No, I’m not talking about Ebola. Don’t you remember senioritis from high school? Probably not — you were probably the only kid who showed up to his AP Government class with the blubbering, senile, regrettably tenured teacher during the last week of school.

Nice oddly placed Black Books reference that no one’s going to get,
Evan Kahn

Dear Evan,

I’ve been keeping this secret pent up for months now, and it’s beginning to be too much to bear. I’ve started biting my nails; my hair’s started going gray. I just have to tell someone, and since I don’t have any friends or money for a psychiatrist, The Tartan is the next best thing.

I’m still playing 2048. Every day. I’ve gotten the 8192 tile, and I can’t stop. Should I kick the habit? Keep going?

Please hurry,
Dire Repercussions, Upset if Game Gets Impromtorily Erased


You know, I used to have the same problem — but then I came to terms with my addiction, and it’s made me a better person. Now I don’t hide the fact that I play 2048 during class, or when I’m hanging out with friends. It’s made me a much happier person.

What color is the 8192 tile, by the way?
Evan Kahn