Horror-scopes

You have been going through this semester like a zombie — it's time to snap out of it and start living again.

There may be a demonic presence in your life. Go see your local pastor for a speedy exorcism.

Stay away from deserted hotels and axes.

Nothing can quench your thirst except for the blood of your enemies.

Don't forget to cover up your warts and hide your broom — people aren't as accepting of witches as they used to be.

Make sure your bandages aren't trailing behind you; someone might step on one.

Remember to drink your wolfsbane potion or things might get out of control.

Ogres are like onions — you leave ’em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs...

Don't walk through the park alone or you might get chased by a headless ghost on a horse.

You don't remember taking those pictures on your phone, but they seem familiar...

The mastermind behind the crime never gets his hands dirty.

Your friends may seem to be ghosts, but what if you're the ghost?