Feb. 14: A day to remember

Valentine’s Day: the very sound of it makes some people think dreamy thoughts about their significant others, yet for virtually every single person out there, it elicits feelings of sadness, anger, spite, and/or loneliness. But this article doesn’t aim to examine the proper gift-giving techniques or the most romantic ways to eat a salad. No, from this point on, this will be a history lesson, on the most interesting events to ever occur on Feb. 14, ordered in reverse order of importance. Get a glimpse of V-Day history through this article.

Some events may specifically pertain to Valentine’s Day, while others won’t even a little, yet all are linked by their occurrence on the one day in the year on which it is acceptable for a guy to watch a sappy, romantic love story like Love Actually or P.S. I Love You. Just kidding!

Year – 1803
Event – Chief Justice John Marshall declares that any act of the U.S. Congress that conflicts with the Constitution is void.

You must remember that these were times when things were much simpler. Things like torture and abortion didn’t exist yet, and the U.S. only went to war for good, solid reasons. Also, justices in those days were much more powerful and people actually listened to them.

My link back to Valentine’s Day?
It’s just like when she tells you that if she catches you going to a strip club again, she’s out, but then you go anyway and hide your tracks by wiping off the glitter.

Year – 1989
Event – The first of 24 satellites of the Global Positioning System (GPS) is put into orbit.

Developed by the U.S. Department of Defense, the GPS uses sophisticated technology to pinpoint the near-exact location of a GPS receiver at any point and at any time. And now that GPS devices can be made as small as a microchip, it’s possible someone could have hidden it in that muffin you’re eating right now and you would never know.

My link back to Valentine’s Day?
Good news, he/she can track your whereabouts anywhere you are now! You’ll never be apart again. Ever. Not even a little.

Year – 1859
Event – Oregon is admitted as the 33rd state.

Yep, Oregon is actually a state. It became one just one year before the Civil War broke out. In fact, Oregon has a long history of secessionist ideals with people in the area clamoring to make their own little utopia, with such names as Cascadia and Ecotopia bandied about at some point or another.

My link back to Valentine’s Day?
You remember when you first met his/her parents and they said, “Welcome to the family!” And then they told you to sit in the corner for the rest of existence and never really talked to you again? Yeah, this is like that.

Year – 1009
Event - First known mention of Lithuania in writing

Squeezed in between Poland and Russia, along with several other relatively unknown nations, Lithuania doesn’t always get much credit. Hardly anyone knows that it has one of the fastest-growing economies of the present day with only 2 percent of its citizens living below the poverty line and that it also holds the highest suicide and homicide rates in Europe.

My link back to Valentine’s Day?
Isn’t this kind of like the first time you stared deeply into each others eyes and said, “I acknowledge your presence”?

Year – 270
Event – The death of St. Valentine(s), marking Valentine’s Day.

Countless early Christian martyrs shared the name of Valentine. However, many of the early ones were not even linked to anything romantic. That staple of today’s Valentine’s Day began in 1382 with Geoffrey Chaucer.

My link back to Valentine’s Day?
This is just like when you promise you’ll always be there for him/her, and that you’d give up everything you have just so they could be happy. What, you were expecting a joke?