Marshall Roy

Class of 2008


  • Can I take out a restraining order against my own school?

    An open letter to the Office of Annual Giving:

    Nothing would make me happier than parlaying my Carnegie Mellon education into a career in which I find myself professionally satisfied and financially prosperous. At that time, an army of armored polar bears (sorry, I just saw Golden Compass) could not stop me from monetarily expressing my gratitude to Carnegie Mellon.

    Forum | January 21, 2008
  • Sandra Lee: Homemade pies or homemade lies?

    To the list of things that must, for the sake of mankind, be stopped cold (global climate change, a nuclear North Korea, pre-emptive militarism, the persistent perversion of American English by the same citizens who demonize non-English-speaking immigrants, etc.), I humbly (but urgently) add: Sandra Lee.

    Forum | November 12, 2007
  • Success comes to those who dare to get uncomfortable

    Dear Newbies,

    The year’s just begun, so the whole advice from a senior! thing feels a little early, I concede. We don’t traditionally dish out our sincerest advice, our shiniest gems of wisdom, our all-time super-duper, double-secret acuminous nuggets, til, like, April or May.

    Forum | September 10, 2007
  • Anatomically correct word gets book banned from libraries

    The undignified details notwithstanding, I remember when, as a very young boy, I learned the word “scrotum.” (Conversely, I have no clue when I picked up the word’s dozen or so pop-culturally-sanctioned euphemisms.) I was instantly aware of a congruity between the peculiar-sounding signifier and even more peculiar-looking signified.

    Forum | February 26, 2007
  • Molly Ivins’ voice left quite a mark

    We would-be raconteurs, straight shooters, and cutters of the crap are mourning our sass-mouthed queen this week, our rabble-rouser-in-residence. Syndicated columnist and gleeful turd in the political punch bowl Molly Ivins succumbed to breast cancer last Wednesday at the age of 62. She once joked that her writing was energized by “truly impressive amounts of beer.” In that vein, the next time I c...

    Forum | February 5, 2007

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