Opinion: Professors need to stop scheduling surprise exams I'm not prepared for where I'm not wearing pants and my teeth all fall out

I recently had an exam, which was held in a football stadium that was also Wean. It was not only a complete surprise to me and my classmates, but I was also not wearing any pants and my teeth kept coming loose! Even worse, I was wearing a diaper in the middle of class even though I stopped wetting the bed when I was… well that isn't important, what matters is I don't anymore.

To be completely honest, the whole situation would have been reasonable if it weren't for the fact that the exam questions were organized by color, and that the text changed depending on which eye was reading it. I was lucky enough to be sitting right next to my younger brother who doesn't exist, but he was too busy writing his résumé for high school to be helpful.

Leaving the exam, you'd think the misfortune would end, but no! I went out to the mall where I saw my friends from class selling German pastries and mittens from a trench in front of Hamerschlag, but as soon as my friend said "the weather is so nice right now," a massive thundercloud came rolling in and lightning started striking all the buildings around us! It was so bad that my friend Tyler from high school had to come all the way from his lake house to tell me I had to leave college and get a job with him in England.

Listen, all I'm asking is that professors are a little more courteous to their students. We have many classes to deal with, and it's just an unnecessary source of stress and anxiety to take these surprise exams, especially when they always seem to be for classes we already took and passed freshman year.