CMU Unveils Plans for New 50-Million Dollar Science Building Full of Stupid Bullshit

Last Thursday, the Carnegie Mellon Board of Trustees approved the construction of a new building thanks to a $50 million grant from notable alumnus Jerebis Brickerdon. Brickerdon (ECE, '98), made his name working for Amazon or Raytheon or something. You think I care to find out? Give me a break.

Dubbed "Brickerdon Hall," the 110,000 square-foot facility will, when completed, be located at the intersection of Forbes and Margaret Morrison Avenue. It will feature an underground parking facility and a bunch of useless stupid nonsense you'll never use, like another Nanofab lab and an aerospace materials testing facility. Fucking whoopee I guess, right? It'll also have some makerspaces I bet, although honestly I can't act like I fully read the proposal. The pictures show that it'll have tables and trees and whatnot out front, and also a "state-of-the-art cloud-based BME lab," whatever that means.

I mean, got damn, how many more of these do we need? The STEM kids already have so many buildings. I mean Doherty, Hamerschlag and Wean makes sense, those are the OGs right? And sure, let the CS kids have Gates for themselves, and I guess Scott hall has that nice coffee place. But ANSYS? Does anything actually happen in ANSYS? And now they're building something new past ANSYS called Scaife? Who asks for these? And don't get me started on TCS Hall. I hear so little about TCS. That site would be more beneficial to the community if it was a fucking Burger King, yet here we are continuing to extend the borders of our campus like some insatiable amoeba. I mean, these humanities kids only get Baker-Porter, which is literally one building that we pretend is two to make them feel better. When are we gonna build something for them? I just truly don't see why we need to drop a bag and a half on some shiny new STEM labs when we haven't even renovated half the residence halls in decades.

I'm sorry, but if you wanna find out about this new building you'll have to do the research yourself because I literally can't be bothered. It looks like they're gonna demolish a couple houses at the corner of Maggie Mo and Forbes. There will be construction on Forbes Ave for approximately twenty-five years.