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Please learn how to jaywalk

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I've had it up to here with you phone-addicted screenagers who follow me when I jaywalk across Forbes or Fifth avenue. Just because you see me walking across the street in the corner of your peripheral vision doesn't mean you can mosey on behind me at half my pace, without taking a moment to break from your Instagram reels or whatever. I don't want to endanger people by leading them into traffic, but I'm also chronically late to my morning classes, so I'm gonna cut whatever time from my journey that I can.

You may be wondering, why am I so passionately angry about this? Is it because I needed a brief 300-word article to fill out my section this week? Of course not. I've been stewing on this for a while, and I'm tired of having to police my own behavior because people haven't learned jaywalking etiquette. So let me break down some dos and don'ts.

Do look up! Just look at the damn street you're crossing! Just because someone else is walking, it doesn't mean the walk signal is actually on. Both the Forbes/Morewood and Fifth/Clyde intersections have ridiculously long sight lines, so there's no reason not to be completely aware of whether cars are approaching the intersection.

Do be mindful of the fact that people will try to break the sound barrier on Fifth avenue. Particularly at night, the headlights might seem distant but oh boy do they get to the intersection fast. Don't underestimate how quickly cars will approach you.

Don't walk slowly. As cool as it feels to saunter across the street with your indefatigable swagger, you should probably pick up the pace for everyone's safety. A little fun fact about drivers is that they don't like being slowed, and a shocking number of people will run a red light if they feel like they were robbed of their rightful green by some pesky college students. Seriously, I have seen multiple drivers run reds at Fifth and Clyde because they slowed down for a pedestrian under green, only to massively speed up under yellow and blow through the intersection while the walk was on.

Just please keep your head about you if you're going to jaywalk, and don't needlessly endanger yourself.