Playlist review: “Doing Better Without You (But I’m Not)"
It was a quaint Sunday evening in the Tartan office when editor-in-chief Cole Skuse and I got around to talking about music. Production hadn’t quite ramped up yet, so we could comfortably shoot the breeze. In doing so, we discovered that we not only had equally devastating amounts of downbad, but it was causing us both to have the uncontrollable urge to make yet another emotional playlist about a boy. Mine was made, but Skuse asked me to choose a song from his favorites list to start his off. I chose “Heavy In Your Arms” by Florence + the Machine because I was feeling particularly chaotic and also didn’t recognize many other songs in his library.
What Skuse made out of the majorly complex and intense vibe of this single song is a quasi-40-track masterpiece entitled, “Doing Better Without You (But I’m Not): Simping but in an ‘I don’t want you, I need you’ kind of way.” It’s a wreck of indie melancholy and honestly, it wasn’t the easiest to get through in one go, since I grow tired of indie easily. To follow are my top 10 picks from the playlist (in order) and a little bit about why I love them. Prepare for some raw, unadulterated angst.
“A Line Without A Hook,” Ricky Montgomery
When I first heard this song, I thought it was really cheesy. Then I wised up and realized that that was what made it beautiful. My favorite kind of song is the kind where certain lines are sung in all caps, and between “BABY I’M A WRECK WHEN I’M WITHOUT YOU” and “THERE IS SOMETHING OH THERE IS NOTHING THERE IS NOTHING IN BETWEEN” and “THE WIND IS A POUNDIN ON MY BACK AND I’VE FOUND HOPE IN A HEART ATTACK” there is nothing left to be desired for me. This song has exactly what I was looking for (you will find my favorite screaming lines in all the song reviews to follow). It is also one of the only un-sad pieces on this list which I think is pretty important. Missing someone is a real downer, but loving them enough to miss them should be the real motivator here.“The Boy Who Has Everything,” Aanika Bennet
“I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING HE NEEDS / SOME BEAUTIFUL THING I COULD BE”
The last time we produced a newspaper, I listened to this song on loop for three hours. The melody is so simple, sweet, and heartbreaking, and so too are the lyrics. Bennet talks about how it feels to be completely devoted to someone with a full life — not only are they busy all the time, but they’re completely fulfilled by so many things that aren’t you. To anyone who has ever felt this feeling, you not only have my sincerest condolences but also my highest recommendation to listen to this song. I have never heard such a specific situation captured so perfectly by an artist before; I feel useless just listening to it. I feel like I want to do rond de jambes all around my bedroom floor.“A Leo Underwater,” Daffodils
“YOU SPENT THE WHOLE SUMMER UNDERWATER / THAT’S WHY YOU COULDN’T HEAR ME CRYING”
This song has the kind of intro that makes you feel like you’re in a car, doing 90 on the freeway with your arm out the window. It’s the sort of self-deprecating-yet-celebratory piece that fits right into this playlist. I can just see it — it’s late July and the girl you love has just remembered that you exist. There are a lot of clear-toned, bell-like sounds that fit right in with the seasonal implications of the chorus lyrics, with enough grungy, retro guitar to back up the vibe and vocals that sound like they really have been crying all summer long. Awkward.“Transatlanticism,” Death Cab For Cutie
“I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER”
I’m a big fan of a long song, especially when I’m emo, and at almost eight minutes, “Transatlanticism” really serves its purpose. While I initially dismissed this track because I really don’t like Death Cab For Cutie’s lead vocals, the instrumentals in the “bridge” region of the song sold me. And after a while, I realized that the lyrics were important too, just as melodramatic as I tend to be. They sat down and said, let’s talk about how the Atlantic Ocean was formed and why it's made entirely out of my tears, cried one by one over the course of a million years, just because of YOU. Embellished by a nearly three-minute instrumental buildup where the aforementioned yelling line is repeated probably a million times and there is not a single resolving cadence in sight, this piece really made me feel like there were hands in my lungs — in a good way.“Back to Your Love,” Night Riots
“I WANT YOU, I WANT YOU ONLY”
Something I was looking for in this playlist was a song that was going to make me tilt my head backward and let a little air out of my nose and this song was that. Like a lot of the songs on this playlist, it has a catchy 80’s beat that makes all the important melodic bits seem enormous. All I can say is that I ate it up. Also, he literally sings, “take me back,” over and over again. I’m not sure what more I can say.“Heavy In Your Arms,” Florence + The Machine
“I LOVE YOU NEVER FELT LIKE ANY BLESSING”
“Heavy in Your Arms” being the song that this playlist was based on is really important because it establishes that love is pain with no exceptions. In her classic U.K. mezzo-soprano, Florence Welch makes you feel like you’re being punished, and so is she, maybe for all of eternity. There’s a lot of really emotional belting and just a generally horrifying discussion of the feeling of being a burden on someone you love. It has been acknowledged by both Skuse and I that this song doesn’t really fit the vibe of the playlist melodically, which is funny considering that the playlist was based on it, but I don’t think that it's particularly important given how well the message applies to the rest of the songs.“Just Like A Movie,” Wallows
“I DON’T WANNA WAIT, NOT ANYMORE”
I was so delighted to find Wallows on this playlist. They are the epitome of elder-teen angst to me, probably established by Dylan Minette’s foray into popular media: “Thirteen Reasons Why.” Like Clay from the series, this song, as well as many others from the band, reflect a protagonist who is totally tied to someone who is not giving them what they want, in the negligent way. “I don’t know how anyone could wait,” they say, and it just ties my esophagus into a knot. The tempo is a little slower than you would expect, which makes it even sadder than it already was.“Let It All Out (10:05),” COIN
“JESUS ARE YOU LISTENING? IF YOU HAVE A PLAN, CAN YOU FILL ME IN”
We all want to trust. We want to believe that we’ve chosen the “right” person to be with, and that following the plans of some greater force, they will treat us with respect and make us happy forever and ever and ever (not necessarily in a marriage-y way, just in a forgot-that-breakups-were-a-thing way). This song is so much about having to realize that what we’ve dreamed about and believed might never be true, no matter how many times we try. In a tumultuous guitar bridge that features some gospel-style choir vocals, it is revealed that for literally “twenty-some years” our protagonist has been trying and trying and waiting and waiting, and now it’s time to let it all out. It’s natural to want to know what will become of you in this situation, and COIN is not afraid to ask, in a wrenching broken-audio request directly to Jesus.“Why Even Try,” Hippo Campus
“WHEN I FORGOT YOU, YOU CAME TO MIND”
This one is really devastating; it just lays into the grit of needing to let someone go but not wanting to. Very much on the theme of the last track, this soft song speaks calmly about the ocean of pain that awaits the one who decides to see a situationship for what it is and finally let go. It’s objective, which makes it just that much more heartbreaking. Don’t ask Hippo Campus how they’re doing.“Eleven Weeks,” Vansire
“I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT THERE’S STILL JOY FOR ME”
Played at full volume, this simple song is somewhat of a hard-hitter. It feels really very cold, both in tone and temperature, and I can imagine myself riding a train through the New England snow and listening to it. It’s beautiful and soothing and not so sad on the surface, although the lyrics are a little sinister after a closer listen.
I’m not sure what exactly prompted Skuse to make this playlist, but I don’t think that it really matters. The feelings that these songs convey are universal. Even if you’re not particularly sad, but you want to be for a little while in a teenagery, pining kind of way, I highly recommend giving “Doing Better Without You (But I’m Not): Simping but in a ‘I don’t want you, I need you’ kind of way” a listen. Follow the link on the next page!