Tartan Super Bowl Predictions
We’ve reached the end of football season, and the New England Patriots are in the Super Bowl again. It’s old hat at this point to have Bill Belichek and Tom Brady face off against a team that, historically, has struggled to find themselves in the ultimate game of the season. The script was written 10 years ago and hasn’t changed much since, but maybe the Los Angeles Rams, led by Jared Goff and Todd Gurley, could break out to drive the Patriots dynasty into a new era. If the Patriots win another Super Bowl ring, Belichek will become the oldest coach ever to win a Super Bowl. Tom Coughlin is currently the oldest coach, after their second destruction of the Patriots. If the Rams win, Sean McVay will become the youngest coach to ever win. There’s a lot at stake in the game, and the editors of The Tartan are making predictions about it.
A friend told me that the Rams are going to lose, just because they’re not in the NFC East. Tom Brady is 1-3 against the NFC East in Super Bowls, and I’m inclined to agree. As an Eagles fan, the season was a real trip as they won game after game in the last half of the season, and then Nick Foles dominated the Saints in the first half of the Divisional playoff game. Then the Saints defense finally stepped up, Foles completed, like, two passes in the second half, and all the dreaming of another Super Bowl ring was brought back down to Earth. It’s just another season. There’s going to be no wild last-minute field goal attempts or Hail Marys, and the game is going to be tepid, at best. Tom Brady is going to be Tom Brady and sail into retirement. There’s no hope for the Rams, or anybody else. Final score: 34-24 Patriots.
Brady will drive the Patriots downfield with less than two minutes left in regulation to score a game-winning field goal. The game is a great juxtaposition of the old dynasty and the new upstart, but the Patriots aren’t going anywhere. Probably never at this rate. Final score: 38-35 Patriots.
Sujay told me “As a Patriots fan, the Patriots are, unabashedly, the best team in the league. I have a feeling that Brady wasn’t playing as well as he could have throughout the season so he could save his energy for the Super Bowl. So based on the previous fact and theory, my prediction is that the first half, the Patriots will play terribly, but the second half, we’ll see classic Tom Brady throw amazing passes. He’ll win the game with a clutch last-minute victory.” Final score: 31-28 Patriots.
Jacob Paul and Adam Tunnard
Layout Manager and News Editor
Adam says that he played football in high school, therefore his prediction is entirely accurate. In spite of not paying attention to football at all this year, he believes the Rams will win because he believes in everything the underdog Rams represent; specifically, a shared hatred of Tom Brady. Who doesn’t hate Tom Brady? All that Jacob says is that the Rams are going to win. It probably has something to do with the nature of the hatred towards the Patriots. No one wants a team that has been consistently great for 15 years to continue to be consistently great. Final score: 17-14 Rams.
Tracy Le, Rebecca Enright, and Anna Boyle
The trio of Rebecca, Tracy, and Anna believe the Rams will win. Tom Brady will feel bad after losing the Super Bowl last year, and he’s going to try something insane that won’t work out. It will be something similar to the Philly Special last year, but the ball is going to get picked off and returned for a Rams touchdown with no time left to win the game. Everyone will be shocked at the poor passing by Tom Brady, as he only completes five passes and three attempts are picked off. But James White keeps the Patriots in it. Final Score: 31-24 Rams.
Wilson Ekern and Frank Hu
Copy Editor and Operations Manager
Wilson says that the Patriots are fascists: “Bill Belichek and Tom Brady are all Nazis, and they have to lose.” Frank laughed at that, so he obviously agreed. Wilson asked me the point spread for the game, which has the Patriots by 2.5 points, and then immediately said, “Rams by 5.” Frank laughed again, so he obviously agreed, again. This Rams machine kills fascists. Final score: 5-0 Rams.