Pillbox

Advice for Awkward People

Dear Izzy,

I’m pretty sure whichever deity — Cupid, Aphrodite, Beyoncé — controls my love life or the love lives of those around me, just like dropped dead off the face of the earth because not only did all my friends get their hearts broken this week but so did mine!!!!!! Many people got dumped by significant others. A few got badly rejected. One got cheated on. For me, my past strong feelings for someone I thought I got over decided to resurface again and be like “WHAT UP IT’S YA BOI.”

So, I guess I have several questions. The first one is more general: do you have any ideal group pick-me-up solutions to help us get over our situations, or just ways that I can help my friends, even though I’m also hurting? The second one is a little bit more personal and geared towards me: how can I keep this from happening? How can I get myself out of this cycle of falling in love, then accepting and being falsely happy about my situation, then digging up my feelings again? I always knew my feelings for this person were really strong, and that this person was really important to me and that I wanted them in my life for a long time, but I always keep relapsing and hurting myself over and over again. Can you help me and my friends get over these manses?

Sincerely,
Somehow I'm Not Getting Love Ever (again)

Dear SINGLE (again),

First, please don’t scare me like that. Beyoncé is still gracing us with her presence on this lowly earth and is very alive and well preparing to smite the masses with her talent, while headlining this year’s Coachella lineup.

Second, the best part about struggling in a group is that you’re all struggling together. You can all relate to each other and are all in the same boat. If you all really are true friends, you can always rely on them to help pull you out of your situation. And they can rely on you, too; your friends are going through a lot right now, and they will need you now more than ever. Sometimes, the best kind of solutions are extremely low-key. At the start, just all sit down somewhere — in the comfort of someone’s home, in a loud bar, in a restaurant with great food — and vent it out with each other. Just spitting out things you want to say or get off your chest is pretty therapeutic, and no matter where you are you will be surrounded by a community of people who love you.

You can also branch out from there. Form a little lonely hearts club and plan some fun things to do together every day so that you all have something to look forward to. Explore Pittsburgh some more, try new restaurants, or see some movies that look surprisingly good. Friends really do help fill those empty gaps in your heart, and from these experiences, your bond between each other will just grow stronger.

Third, I can’t deny the fact that you’re stuck in a really weird position and situation — and it can sometimes make you feel like you’ve got it the worst out of all your friends. But, you’re doing a great thing so far: recognizing that you are in a cycle. The next time you find yourself in it, stop and take a breath to assess your situation. Recognize how you led yourself to this spot, and remember it for the future so you can plan out what to do next time you encounter it. That way, you can fight it off with positivity or whatever solution you come up with.

I also applaud you for the fact that you’re trying to make it work! It can be really hard, and you’ll struggle, but the most important thing to know is that it takes time. And, it’ll work itself out. It’s one of the harder yet truer things to hear because waiting for things to fix themselves in your mind does take a while, or sometimes never happens. But, life goes on. And stuff happens in life that’ll push your pain to the side or cure it with something — or someone — new.

Hope you and your friends get over your manses,
Izzy