Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

And, they were roommates. Oh my god, they were roommates.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

So, I am in confusion. Why is this one Kansas but this one is not Ar-Kansas? AMERICA EGGSPLAIN!

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

I could have dropped my croissant!

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Welcome to T-T-T-T-TARGETTTTTTTT!

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Fre sha vaca do.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Look at all these...chickens.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Roadwork ahead. Yeah I sure hope it’s does.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Hi, welcome to Chili’s.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

What up, I’m Jared. I’m 19, and I never f***ing learned how to read.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Don’t mess with me. I have the power of God and anime on my side.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

I saw you hanging out with Kaitlyn. Rebecca, it’s not what you think. I won’t hestate.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Two bros. Chilling in hot tub. Five feet apart, ‘cause they’re not gay.