Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

"Remember, if you don't like it, I don't care."

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

"My arm exercise is lifting food to my mouth."

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

"WIll you be my DineX daddy?"

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

"If you can't pass a simple Turing Test then I'm sorry, you're not the girl for me."

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Person One: "I can't stand you!"
Person Two: "So sit."

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

"Hot chocolate! Warm your cold, cold hearts!"

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

"You don't need brakes to go fast."

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

"Why are those boys wearing Schatz T-shirts?"

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

"Am I user-friendly yet?"

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

"I watch Netflix on two-times speed to waste less time."

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

"Why do you think these bricks are covered in mesh? It's so unpleasant."

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

"No one told me what the plan was, they just handed me a knife and a chicken!"