Fantasy football: end of perfection, a narrow victory, and a baffling tie
In the words of the great paper salesman Dwight K. Schrute, “while today it is me, we all shall fall.” I knew eventually my team, Yes We Cam, would suffer a loss. But I didn’t think I’d have to end my 4–0 winning streak with the lowest overall score, considering Team Andah hasn’t set a lineup since auto-drafting six weeks ago. But alas, the time has come. Without further ado, here’s this week’s Fantasy breakdown.
Third-String Team over Yes We Cam, 133.2–100.7
This loss stings, and not just because it was my first. As a born and raised Pittsburgher, I felt personally attached to my Pittsburgh Steelers defense going against Assistant Sports Editor Marika Yang’s Baltimore Ravens defense. To my chagrin, the Steelers underperformed, snagging only four points compared to the Ravens’ 14. And that was pretty much the tone of my team this week.
Yang, on the other hand, had a stellar week, with strong performances from nearly every player. Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver A.J. Green gave the most notable performance, grabbing seven receptions, 189 total yards, and an envious 29.9 total points. On the contrary, my wide receivers, the Minnesota Vikings’ Stefon Diggs and the Miami Dolphins’ Jarvis Landry, barely managed to rack up 16 points combined. Yang’s quarterback also outperformed mine, with Kansas City Chiefs’ Alex Smith gaining 26.9 points and the New York Giants’ Eli Manning only managing 13. In hindsight, I guess Yes We Cam should’ve played titular Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, who brought in 21.5 points for my bench. Yang also has Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce to thank this week, who racked up 17.8 points in a strong performance against Houston.
Justin Tucker Must (not) Die ties Team Andah, 123.8–123.8
This match-up, which ended in a draw, was an interesting one. Contributing Editor Lula Banker’s Justin Tucker Must (not) Die faced off against staffwriter Josh Andah’s Team Andah, who neglected to set his lineup. This resulted in Team Andah starting Washington kicker Dustin Hopkins who was on a bye week. It’s not surprising that people forget to switch out their bye week players, but it’s sad when all Andah needed to come away with the win this week was 0.1 points. With that being said, let’s look at some key players for these two in week five.
Both teams had fantastic running back performances. Jacksonville Jaguars running back Leonard Fournette brought in 31.4 points for Banker, while the Los Angeles Chargers’ Melvin Gordon racked up 34.3 for Andah. Other notable performances from Justin Tucker Must (not) Die came from New England Patriots wide receiver Chris Hogan and Steelers running back Le’Veon Bell with 21.4 and 19.3 points respectively. Banker’s team, at first glance, seemed to have an edge over Andah, with five players gaining double-digit scores compared to Andah’s four.
But Banker’s demise can be credited to an uncharacteristically low performance by Dolphins wide receiver DeVante Parker, who only managed 1.6 points this week, compared to his 12.9 total from week four.
Easy Breesy over Drop it like it’s Crock 116.4–112.4
Sports Editor Ian Tanaya’s Easy Breesy just narrowly edged out Publisher Jade Crockem’s Drop it like it’s Crock. Despite Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski’s zero point performance due to injury, Tanaya still saw strong performances across the board, with five players gaining 14 points or more, compared to Crockem’s two. Drop it like it’s Crock did see some respectable performances, however, with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott and Cleveland Browns running back Duke Johnson Jr., scoring 29.7 and 17.3 points respectively. However, it wasn’t enough to overtake Tanaya.
This week, Easy Breesy owes a lot to Houston Texans quarterback Deshaun Watson, who handed Tanaya a solid 35.5 points in a game against Kansas City. Other notable performances come from Panthers wide receiver Kelvin Benjamin and Seattle Seahawks tight end Jimmy Graham, who earned 15.8 and 15.7 points respectively.
After looking through lineups and individual player projections, it doesn’t seem like there’s going to be much left up to chance in week six. Though I’d be thrilled to move into 5–1, I’m predicting my second loss of the season against Tanaya. Banker has the opportunity to pull ahead of the West division; a win over Yang this week will put her record at 3–2–1 and Andah’s predicted loss against Crockem will move him down to 2–3–1.
But, in a league where one person knows what they’re doing, one person has given up completely, and the rest of us are just here for a good time, anything can happen.