Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

You're the type of person to run away at 100 mph after they see a bug.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

You're mildly insecure about your decisions, but also hella cute 24/7.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

If a dog walks by, you drop whatever you're doing immediately. Talking to Tom Cruise? Doesn't matter. DOG.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Wearing all black on a ninety degree day? CHECK.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

You only go on dates because of the promise of food.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Step right up for the best relationship advice you've ever had.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You'd take a bullet for someone... but only if that someone is your cat.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

You look angry but are probably just hungry about 90 percent of the time.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Are you talking to someone pretty? If so, get ready for all of the stupid things to start popping out of your mouth.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Wants a summer body, BUT FOOD.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

If you could turn into any animal it would probably be a sloth.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Long day of doing nothing? Treat yo'self.