Pillbox

Advice for awkward people

Dear Evan,

I’m in the process of applying for masters of education programs — I want to teach second graders because I don’t feel comfortable conversing with people my own age — and yesterday I got my first acceptance! Not to a very good school, but still. But then I took a day off and watched YouTube videos for most of the day, and I found this one I had watched back when I was a senior, called “Gap Yah.” It’s a stupid, annoying video with some pretentious guy with an unplaced accent talking about how he traveled the world and drank too much and threw up everywhere.

But then I got to thinking: Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I travel the world and make an ass of myself before I go to grad school?

Ponderously,
Longing After Zeitgeist, Yearning Especially for Xenophilic Contingencies and Unregulated Smoking of Esra

Dear LAZY EXCUSE,

I don’t think anyone uses the term “esra” to refer to weed anymore, but good on you for trying to bring it back! Make it your own.

So, this whole gap year thing: It’s splendid idea if you want to spend the money and time required, and I’ve heard it’s a helluva deep spiritual journey. But you really shouldn’t use the “Gap Yah” guy as your point of reference for such an important issue.

He’s not exactly the best role model: Whenever he comes across something remotely life changing or breathtaking, he “just chunders everywhere.” The next thing you know, you’ll be pronouncing Peru as “Perah,” calling global climate change “an insignificant truth,” and getting arrested by Burmese law enforcement for disturbing the peace.

Then again, you could make it your goal to drink every kind of liquor known to man in a year, sleep on a different-smelling couch in a different country every night, and finally discover the difference between potato seasonings in Eastern Europe. And then, you share those experiences with your wide-eyed second-grade students.

Best night of my life, best night of my life,
Evan Kahn