Advice for awkward people
Dear Matt and Ryan,
The entire time I’ve been living in my house I’ve seen rats or other small rodents on the floor of my bedroom. However, at some point in the past week of single-digit temperatures, some kind of fiercer varmints have invaded and, after a night of unseen bloodshed and dreadful noises, some kind of new hellbeast — I think they’re opossums — have moved in and replaced my lovely, quiet rats. They’re obnoxious and I don’t like them. The landlord came by and left us some traps, but it’s too late for that. They’ve practically taken over the house. What can I do?
Plague Of Small Somethings Under Mattress, Knife Introduction Looking Likely, Eager, Ready
Dear POSSUM KILLER,
First, let us preface this by saying the smart thing to do is just to stay the course and take the critters out one by one with the trap. But there are other options. You could rip up your floorboards and physically grab them. You could go to Japan, where high in the mountains, there is a sword blessed by the spirits to smite small unwelcome beings. Or you could shrink yourself down and slip beneath the floor yourself, befriend them, and trick them into leaving. Good luck!
Unless, of course, they’re actually hellbeasts,
Matt and Ryan
Dear Matt and Ryan,
The Employment Opportunities Conference (EOC) is this week and I’m freaking out and totally underprepared, but I need a job and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.
Actually Having Heart Hardships
Okay. Calm down. First of all, do you have a résumé written up? If not, then you should. It’s really easy, and if you need some extra help, go to the Career and Professional Development Center (CPDC) for walk-in hours or just to grab a pamphlet. As soon as it’s done, print a bunch of copies ASAP. You don’t want to be waiting at the printer on the day of the EOC. Next, do some research on the companies that’ll be there and figure out who you’d truly be interested in working for. This will also come across when you’re talking to the recruiters, that you’ve actually learned a bit about their companies. Step three is to dress up. You should go for a full suit, but if you only have a nice shirt, tie (for guys), and pants you can rent a sports coat from the CPDC. Finally, just get out there and do it. Talk to people, show your passion, and make them interested in you. You go to Carnegie Mellon. You’re smart. Even if you have to fake it, put on an air of confidence.
It’s a scary thing, but you’re not alone,
Ryan and Matt