Advice for Awkward People
[BOLD]Dear Matt & Ryan,
Valentine’s Day is the worst. I’m always single and have nothing to do, and all of my friends have significant others so while they go out and have fun together, I’m all alone in my room with nothing but my laptop and sadness for company. Can you give me some advice on how to pass the worst weekend in the world? I’m sure you’ve dealt with this kind of thing in the past.
Sad Over Acquired Loneliness, Only Neighbor is Edible
Dear SO ALONE,[BOLD]
First of all, we have no idea what you’re talking about. We are two extremely handsome, debonair, and intelligent men who have never had trouble wooing a lady for Valentine’s Day. That said we do have … friends … who have had to deal with being alone on this day. At any rate, here’s a few ideas that we’ve found tried and true … for our friends, of course.
1) Ice cream. Eat all of it. All. Of. It.
2) Watch an action movie. No romance or anything.
3) Play a video game.
4) Get together with your friends who aren’t doing anything and go out.
Above all, don’t wallow in your own misery. So what if it’s Valentine’s Day? It’s just another day. Call up your friends.
[BOLD]But don’t call me, I’ll be in Canada,
Ryan & Matt
Dear Matt & Ryan,
I’m freaking out. You know awkwardfamilyphotos.com? My family’s Thanksgiving photo just made it on the front page. It has only been up for a day, and already has 743 likes, and 312 shares on Facebook! I’m doomed. No one will ever talk to me again, and my family will be the next big meme, like the Star Wars kid, Doge, or that one with the porcupine. What do I do?
Miraculously Elected Major Entertainment, But Alas, Internet Talks
Dear MEME BAIT,[BOLD]
It now has 745 likes and 314 shares on Facebook. Matt and I thought it was hilarious. Unfortunately, as you know, once an image is on the Internet, its there forever. There are a few solutions: You can change your name and try to get into the witness protection program, or figure out who leaked the photo and retaliate. However, what is probably in your best interest, is to sit back and enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. Also, do you know how many stupid images people post everyday? Chances are, very few of those 314 shares are actually genuine clicks to the image. Plus, there will be a new very popular meme by the time this goes to print anyway. I don’t even remember the Star Wars kid.
[BOLD]Go search for cat GIFs — you’ll feel better,
Ryan & Matt.[BOLD]