Pillbox

advice for awkward people

Dear Evan,

I only ever eat at McDonald’s during its Monopoly-themed promotion season. I know, it’s pretty shameful, but I’m not a hardcore McDonald’s Monopoly player: I don’t collect the colored stamps (streets like Park Place, Utilities, Railroads, etc.), which, while they’re pretty difficult to get, yield awesome prizes (gas from Shell for a year!). I harden my stomach and eat there for the immediate prizes — but this year, I won a one-month subscription for Hulu Plus, and I have no idea what to do with it. I can watch all the shows I want for free somewhere else, so why should I take the time to put in some code to get free TV for a month, then have to endure endless emails from Hulu pleading to have me back?

Grumpily,
Pretty Rattled by Operose Jape, was Expecting Chocolate Truffles or Free Rectal Exams, Even TJ’s Vouchers

Dear PROJECT FREE TV,

You can just unsubscribe from the emails. There should be a link at the bottom of … yes, there it is. Good job. Gold star.
I’m sure there are many rational ethical, moral, and economic reasons to pay for your television — should we even call it television anymore? — but I’m pretty sure most people under 25 are perfectly fine with enjoying whatever shows they want, whenever they want, free of charge. Setting up a Netflix (or Amazon Prime, or Hulu Plus, or whatever) account sounds like a pretty good 25th birthday present to yourself.

I’m looking at the McDonald’s Monopoly prizes webpage here, and it looks like soon-to-be-obsolete companies are trying to achieve a semblance of relevance with this contest. Remember Shutterfly? Maybe not? You could’ve gotten a free mug, magnet, or 8x8 photo book from them (with whose photos inside?). And I thought Redbox went out of business!

It’s unsurprising you’re nonplussed with the prizes, considering that upper-middle-class Carnegie Mellon students — assuming you are one, which is a safe assumption — lie outside of the McDonald’s prime demographic (think older and below the United States’ proverbial belt). But hey, at least this gets rid of your last reason to ever step foot inside a McDonald’s again.

Still upset Pittsburgh doesn’t have Panda Express,
Evan Kahn