Heisenscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Skyler White: Bumps into Ted Beneke at the grocery store and gets rehired at Beneke Fabricators.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Marie Schrader: Gets caught stealing from Macy's and spends six months picking up trash on the side of the highway.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Walt White Jr.: Becomes a DEA agent to avenge his uncle's death.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Saul Goodman: Finally settles down with a nice girl in Nebraska and is now a stay-at-home dad.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Jesse Pinkman: Cleans up and stays in Albuquerque to become Brock's "cool uncle."

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Bogdan Wolynetz: Goes on to become a multimillion-dollar car wash-chain owner, with car washes in over 30 countries.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Huell Babineaux: Emerges from the "safehouse" a few months later and is very confused as to where Saul went. Goes on to have a successful career in stand-up comedy.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Brandon "Badger" Mayhew: Tries to get Jesse to start cooking meth again and ends up with a black eye.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Skinny Pete: Finds Walt's watch at a gas station and sells it for some crystal meth.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Brock Cantillo: Goes into foster care and later finds out he is Tuco's son.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Elliott and Gretchen Schwartz: Get divorced over a disagreement with what to do with Walt Jr.'s trust fund when Gray Matter goes bankrupt.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Holly White: Learns about her father and decides to become a chemist like him.