Pillbox

Advice for awkward people

Dear Ryan and Matt (if those are your real names),

Dudes, I can’t help it! I’m stuck in my room watching all the TV shows from my childhood in the ’90s. I’ve made it through all eight seasons of Home Improvement, the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, seven seasons of Buffy, two seasons of Sonic the Hedgehog, and all four Home Alone movies. I’m sure all the girls on my floor think it’s fly that I’m getting back in touch with this culture, but none of them want to watch the TGIF lineups with me. What am I doing wrong, home skillets?

Help would be nice. As if!
Netflix-Occupied Student Trapped At Laptop, Gorging In Archives

Dear NOSTALGIA,
Chill out dawg, We’ve been there. Bill Nye the Science Guy is the reason Ryan got into Carnegie Mellon, and we all yearn for a time before Dubya Bush. The second half of the semester often picks up and will knock those lazy tendencies right out of you. That might also help with your girl problem; women love a man who can demonstrate dependability. There is a time for work and a time for play, and the ’90s were certainly a time for play, but I’m sure you know that Carnegie Mellon is unfortunately a place for work. Buckle up!

Actually, for the ladies, Friends should be next in your Netflix cue.
Matt & Ryan

Dear Matt & Ryan,

I went to a great Halloween party last night, and I met a really great guy. Don’t let him know, but he is definitely my next boyfriend. I went as a classic witch and happened across the perfect scarecrow. I hope next year he can be the yang to my yin; needless to say, we really hit it off. The only problem is I never got his name, or his Andrew ID. Can you guys help me?

Enamored, Lucky Partygoer Has Anonymous Boy Acquaintance

Dear ELPHABA,
If you love someone deeply enough, anything can happen, even miracles. You might want to head back to that house and wait for your Halloween love, just like Brigadoon’s Tommy. We have no doubt that Jack Skellington can help you find your love, or maybe if you get the flying monkeys to kidnap the girl dressed as Dorothy, Toto will lead your scarecrow right to you. We’re pretty sure that might be a felony, but if you do it in the name of love, any judge will look the other way.

Scarecrow, if you are reading this, go find your Elphaba. She’s head over heels for you, and we don’t want to be responsible for attempted kidnapping…
Ryan & Matt