March 21 - April 19
You have been going through this semester like a zombie — it's time to snap out of it and start living again.
Apr. 20 - May 20
There may be a demonic presence in your life. Go see your local pastor for a speedy exorcism.
May 21 - June 21
Stay away from deserted hotels and axes.
June 22 - July 22
Nothing can quench your thirst except for the blood of your enemies.
July 23 - Aug. 22
Don't forget to cover up your warts and hide your broom — people aren't as accepting of witches as they used to be.
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Make sure your bandages aren't trailing behind you; someone might step on one.
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
Remember to drink your wolfsbane potion or things might get out of control.
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
Ogres are like onions — you leave ’em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs...
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Don't walk through the park alone or you might get chased by a headless ghost on a horse.
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
You don't remember taking those pictures on your phone, but they seem familiar...
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
The mastermind behind the crime never gets his hands dirty.
Feb. 19 - March 20
Your friends may seem to be ghosts, but what if you're the ghost?