Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

See the outfit you’re wearing today? Don’t let anyone else see it ever again.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

You will get lost in a Wean Hall stairwell at least once today. Instead of concentrating on finding the proper exit, make an effort to be social and say hello to the people you pass on the stairs.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Closing your eyes and wishing really, really hard for summer to be here again will only make you look silly and leave you disappointed. Fall has arrived, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Remember: You is kind, you is smart, and you is important.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Eat lunch outside this week. Food and people-watching go together much better than what your taste buds wanted and what you actually ate for lunch.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

At 7:30 p.m. today, something amazing will happen to you. But only if your heart, mind, and soul are ready for the goodness coming your way.... Or maybe you’re just going to get dinner.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

The Library Planet is real! Don’t believe me? Wait a week, and you will see all of the classic symptoms come to light in those who never see the light of day. If your roommate has two shadows, run for the hills.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Oh no, they are definitely laughing.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

“What do you do with a BA in English...?”

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Time Turners are real and there are people in your class who have them. It is time to find a connection to the Time Turner black market or suffer.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

When life gives you lemons, be more creative than just making lemonade. You go to Carnegie Mellon for heaven’s sake; you can come up with something much more impressive.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Just smile and repeat to yourself, “Mondays are fun days, Mondays are fun days.”