Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Sun and fun await you. Take this vacation to stock up on as much sun as you possibly can. You’ll need it to survive the last few weeks of winter at Carnegie Mellon.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

It was nice that you gave your TA the benefit of the doubt at the start of the semester, but now it’s crunch time and you must come to the realization that your TA is an incompetent fool.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Why are you reading the paper? You don’t have the luxury of sitting and frittering your time away. Get back to work!

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

There are many things in life right now that are confusing to you. Confusion can be a very painful thing, but things can only clear up from here.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

There’s lots of work to be done this week, but make sure that you take some time to relax... even if all you do is lay on your back staring at the celling and asking a higher power to spare you.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Your spring break plans are not so great, but your friends don’t have to know that. Lie and make them envy you.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Midterms. Why are you worrying about midterms? You’re amazing, and there’s nothing that will stand in your way.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Hurry up and finish your work so you can get to more important stuff, like anything that isn’t homework.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Five more days. Five more days. Five more days. Five more days.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

I know you may want to, but you can’t fall to pieces until you get the approval of at least three outside experts. Once you get said approval, you may then commence falling apart.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

You have to deal with all of your problems this week, but that’s nothing new to you. Just remember that all you have to do is make it to Friday and things will get better.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Your Libra friend is quite delusional. Keep an eye on him because he’s going to need you.