Pillbox

Advice for awkward people

Dear Patrick,

I’ve been blowing off my friend all week, but not on purpose. How do I not look like a tool when I finally see them again after avoiding them?

Thanks,
Busy All Day, Friend Requesting Intimate Exchanges, No Dice

Dear BAD FRIEND,

Well, it really depends on if the two of you are guys or girls. If you’re girls, then you should know that she’s probably been complaining about you behind your back to all your mutual friends. When you finally hang out with her, she’s going to be angry, but won’t say why. You’ll just have to put up with it. Wait until the next time she gets drunk, and it will either be a tearful reconciliation of “I luv u soooo much, we’r BFFs 4evs,” or a lot of crying and screaming. Either way, pretend like that night didn’t happen and get back to normal.

If you’re guys, then don’t worry about it. He probably hasn’t noticed. Just buy him a beer and you’ll be good. If you’re mixed gendered friends, then just start dating already. Everyone’s been waiting for it to happen. You guys are totally Ross and Rachel, not Sam and Diane. Then, when you guys inevitably break up, you won’t have to worry about this anymore.

Or just cut off all contact to avoid an awkward conversation,
Patrick Hoskins

Dear Patrick,

My girlfriend wants to move in with me next year. We’ve been dating for about a year, and I like her quite a bit. But I just don’t think moving in together is such a good idea. What do you think?

Sincerely,
Seeking Partner Advice Regarding Ensuing Roommate, Other Options Missing

Dear SPARE ROOM,

DON’T DO IT. Sorry­ — that was just a gut reaction. Let’s go through the pros and cons. Pros: You get to see her a lot more, she’ll always be around when you’re home, she’ll always know where you are. Cons: You have to see her a lot more, she’ll always be around when you’re home, she’ll always know where you are. Plus, if/when you break up, either she stays living with you and you have a miserable rest of the year, or one of you moves out and you have to find a new place to live or a new roommate. So basically, DON’T DO IT.

Moving in together is about two steps removed from getting married, and that’s way too much commitment for a couple of idiot college students. You’re better off living separately but still spending a lot of time together. That way you always have some place to go away from her.

DON’T DO IT,
Patrick Hoskins

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