The Bard's Insult'Oscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

"[Thou art] a pipe for Fortune's finger to sound what stop she please." — [ITAL]Hamlet[ITAL]

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

"[Thou art] a flesh monger, a fool, and a coward." — [ITAL]Measure for Measure[ITAL]

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

"I think thou wast created for men to breath themselves upon thee." — [ITAL]All's Well That Ends Well[ITAL]

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

"Thy head stands so tickle on thy shoulders, that a milkmaid, if she be in love, may sigh it off." — [ITAL]Measure for Measure[ITAL]

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

"Your virginity, your old virginity is like one of our French wither'd pears: It looks ill, it eats drily." — [ITAL]All's Well That Ends Well[ITAL]

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

"Degenerate and base art thou." — [ITAL]The Two Gentlemen of Verona[ITAL]

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

"Thou elvish-mark'd, abortive, rooting hog!" — [ITAL]Richard III[ITAL]

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

"[Thou art] sick in the world's regard, wretched and low, a poor unminded outlaw sneaking home." — [ITAL]Henry IV, part I[ITAL]

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

"[Thou] shall stand in fire up to the navel and in ice up to th'heart, and there th'offending part burns and the deceiving part freezes." — [ITAL]The Two Noble Kinsmen[ITAL]

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

"False face must hide what the false heart doth know." — [ITAL]Macbeth[ITAL]

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

"In civility thou seem'st so empty." — [ITAL]As You Like It[ITAL]

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

"You should be women, and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so." — [ITAL]Macbeth[ITAL]