March 21 - April 19
You may have a lot of work that you could be catching up on during your Thanksgiving break, but you will squander that time with stupid television shows and movies. Time well spent.
Apr. 20 - May 20
You are an adult, so no matter how hard your parents try to baby you this week, you must resist. Don’t give up your freedom and independence just for a home-cooked meal.
May 21 - June 21
When you go for seconds and someone calls you greedy, remember that Gemini is a twin so you are technically eating for two.
June 22 - July 22
If you are going home for Thanksgiving, remember to pack your sweatpants, or at least a nice outfit that has lots of elastic in it.
July 23 - Aug. 22
“If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.” — Albert Einstein
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Three important words to remember: Don’t. Forget. Tupperware.
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
Please sleep this week. You really, really need it.
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
Your year has been a bit rocky, to say the least. Take this week to clear your mind and repair your wounds, because when school starts again, the real fight begins.
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
I hope you’re sitting down, because your future is a little bleak. I’m sorry to tell you this, but none of your football teams will win this Thanksgiving. Stay strong.
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
“There is no what should be, there is only what is.” — Lenny Bruce
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
The semester is almost over. Have you made the most of it?
Feb. 19 - March 20
I know it seems like a good idea, but trust me, don’t do it.