Advice for awkward people

Dear Patrick,

I’ve been playing the whole interview game for weeks now, and I’m exhausted. “What did you do at your job last summer?” “What exactly are you willing to do for this job, if you catch my drift?” “Can I get your personal number?” These recruiters are really aggressive, and flying off to all these interviews is leaving me seriously jetlagged! What can I do?

Job Overabundance Bemusing, Harassed Unceasingly, Need To End Demand


You don’t have a problem, you’re just bragging. “Boo hoo, so many companies want to hire me. Whatever will I do?” Give me a break. You don’t have to take these interviews — you like the attention. Go ahead and enjoy it while you can, but don’t go rubbing it in everyone else’s faces.

If these interviews are really so taxing for you, then actually start turning them down. It’s college applications all over again — keep interviewing with your top choices, but keep a couple of safeties in your back pocket in case you get rejected. Or do what I did and just apply to one place. You’ll probably be fine. Or living back home with your parents.

No one likes your first-world problem,
Patrick Hoskins

Dear Patrick,

That guy who wrote the other letter sucks. I’ve had my résumé out there for months, and I haven’t had any bites. I would kill to be hounded by recruiters. What can I do to get some interviews going?

Requesting Employment, Job, Every Company Terminates Ensuing Discussion


Glad to hear you have an actual problem, unlike that other jerk. He’s like the hot chick at the party, and you’re the quiet girl in the corner at the beginning of every ’80s high school comedy. You need the same solution: makeover montage! Just pop in your earbuds, assemble your ’80s pop music playlist, and head over to the Career Center. They are actually paid to get you a job.

But remember that jobs are like trains: At the end of the night, you gotta hop on the last one coming by. We can’t all work for Google. Be grateful for whatever work you can get, because there are people out there with families to support that would love a job. Don’t turn down a job because it’s not “good enough.” If it pays, it’s good.

Your parents don’t want you back home either,
Patrick Hoskins