Horrorscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Two words: dry campus.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Your hard work will pay off this semester and you shall be rewarded... with straight Bs.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Facebook called with a full-time job offer — too bad you put the wrong phone number on your résumé.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

You poured your heart and soul into your last essay. When your professor gives you your essay back, instead of giving you a grade, the only thing he wrote on your paper is: TL;DR.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

The double life you have been living on Tumblr has been discovered. Don't worry; you're still a star in many people's personal collections.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

You are the professor's pet. Hooray! However, instead of being praised and showered with love or good fortune, you have been singled out to do even more work.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You were working in the lab late one night, when your eyes beheld an eerie sight. Your lab notebook, which you had tended to with care, had vanished. It was gone, disappeared into thin air.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

You arrive at The Exchange just in time to beat the lunchtime rush, only to find that it has been replaced by another branch of CulinArt.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Your adviser walks up behind you as you're bad-mouthing him or her. You go on and on, until he or she finally interjects.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

You know that one kid in your major who is always being a pain in the butt? That person becomes your boss.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

No one around you has a sense of humor, and that makes your life sad and boring.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

The kid you argue with in your project group has a crush on you, and you two end up dating.