March 21 - April 19
So career week went well for you — well done. Be on alert for friends who will now be looking to mooch off of your success.
Apr. 20 - May 20
Think twice about the gifts you buy your roommates. What may seem like a neat thing that tickles their fancy could end up being your worst nightmare.
May 21 - June 21
Let your artistic side run wild this week by creating something with your hands. Start small with finger paint, then work your way up.
June 22 - July 22
You have been a lot more sarcastic these past few weeks, Cancer, but watch your step. Someone unexpected might call your bluff this week.
July 23 - Aug. 22
Someone taller and funnier than you would like you to know that mastering fundamentals is key to doing anything well. Learn them or stay sucky forever.
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Hey, thanks for getting people sick!
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
A shorter, more sarcastic person would like you to fix your face, and wants you to know that until you master fundamentals, you will be nothing.
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
You’re bad to the bone, a rebel without a cause, and really, a Scorpio without a clue. Lose the acting and just be yourself.
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Stop feeding your ego by twisting positive feedback others give you. Being humble is actually a good thing.
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
Control your emotions and think more logically this week. Give your heart a break and outsource some stress to that brain of yours.
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
I promise that one day very soon you will be able to read for pleasure and not just for class.
Feb. 19 - March 20
You suck because you’re not sick.