Joboscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

You may really want that job, but hanging onto the recruiter’s leg and begging will probably not improve your chances of employment.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Your resume is so padded, I could use it as a pillow.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Watch out for others trying to sabotage your chances at the BOC. The business world is ruthless, and those desperate to get noticed will undercut anyone just to get ahead.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Make sure that you wear a bib at lunch while in your dress clothes. The last thing you want to do is to have to accessorize around the pizza sauce stain.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Your resume is quite interesting and full of Carnegie Mellon-centered activities. Make sure to take the time to explain to recruiters that your membership in the KGB or CIA is nothing to worry about.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Karma is a five letter word, so think twice before you cut that guy in line just to get to the free stuff companies are giving out.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

It is all well and good that you have gotten your elevator pitch down to perfection, but stop creeping everyone out by giving said elevator pitch every time you’re in an elevator.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Crowds freak you out, and the whole idea of Career Week scares the Wean out you. Be brave and hold your head high and everything will be okay.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

This whole “finding a job” thing is not your scene. You’re not going to any of the job fairs because you like to go with the flow and let life happen as it’s meant to.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Oh, they’re going remember your name. In fact, they’ll never forget it.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Don’t take it personally if, after shaking someone’s hand this week, they instantly reach for the Purell. Job fairs bring out the germaphobe in the best of us.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

I know you really want a job, but please, don’t wear that to the career fairs.