March 21 - April 19

You will have to juggle two part-time lovers this semester, but you are hopefully up for the task. Keep them in separate libraries and you’ll be fine.

Apr. 20 - May 20

You’re going to be a star — a rather infamous star, that is — when you are the main focus of the Crime and Incident Report.

May 21 - June 21

A good rule of thumb: When in doubt, bribe your RA. Don’t waste time reading rules; just slip your RA some cash and everyone will be happy.

June 22 - July 22

You will find an awesome study area for the semester, but a word of caution: Don’t tell too many people or your peace and tranquility will be destroyed forever.

July 23 - Aug. 22

Not only will you get home safely by walking with SafeWalk volunteers, you will also work on your flirting skills.

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Ditch the normal-kid persona you built up over the summer and go back to your true nerdy self. You are back at Carnegie Mellon, which means you are safe.

Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Ppl who spend the whole 24 spitting lame slang and I.M. speech in their everyday vocab r gonna drive u nutz.

Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Save enough money to buy yourself love. And by love, I mean a new Apple product.

Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

I know that you love your roommate, but he or she will want to get really close to you rather than with you by winter vacation. Run now!

Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

You will find the answers you seek, and in the mean time you will stumble upon questions you didn’t even know you had.

Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

You will face a tough decision trying to decide which side of Pittsburgh’s bipolar weather affects your studying schedule more.

Feb. 19 - March 20

You will settle into a mundane pattern that will leave you feeling as if you are slowly losing your youth and zest for life. Don’t fear; you’re not alone.