Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Balance is one of life’s greatest ambitions. That being said, take some time this week to exercise the other sides of your personality.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

It’s one thing to wish upon a star for grand, life-altering dreams. It’s another to wish on a star for your professor to cancel class. Then again, those two wishes might be one and the same.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Elevators are your sworn mortal enemy, so always take the stairs. If you happen to break your leg, be afraid; be very afraid.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Something you do this week will be taken out of context and spread through the school like wildfire. So, by Friday when people think that you are a street walker who carries pennies in your shoes, it won’t seem that weird.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet. That, or a serial killer in waiting. If you’re good at statistics, then — and only then — can you go and explore the city alone.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Get to know more people in your major this week, if for no other reason than to have someone aside from your roommate to complain to about your academic life.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

This week you will be a contestant on Pittsburgh’s favorite live action game show, “Where the @#&* is the Bus?” You will be the grand prize winner — and by winner, I mean that you will get to your destination only an hour late.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

You will find an “undo” option really useful this week when something that you planned doesn’t turn out quite as you hoped. Don’t panic, things will turn out as they should.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Spring is in the air and pollen is up your nose. Be prepared and carry a box of tissues with you at all times.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Turn the Cut into your own personal life-sized board game. Chalk out all the spaces and use everyone walking by as game pieces. What you will use for dice is beyond me.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Just because LOL and OMG are now in the Oxford English Dictionary doesn’t mean you’re free to use them all the time in everything you write. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

No, your dorm room is not leaking; you’re just drooling again.