Pillbox

Everything you need to know

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

I have to pick my major soon and I still feel lost. I have interests in a few things, but I think that one of the things holding me back is that my potential major (something in H&SS) doesn’t get much respect at Carnegie Mellon or in the real world. How do I make my choice about my major while at the same time not letting the “H and less stress” stigma get to me?

Sincerely,

H&SS

Dear H&SS,

The other day, I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when I received an e-mail from my lovely editor. Inside was a question — a REAL question! My first real question! As the first person to actually come to me for advice, you will receive the grand prize: advice!

First of all, don’t make the mistake of confusing Carnegie Mellon and the real world. Outside, the world is run by liberal arts majors (cue the collective shudder from engineers). When choosing a major, you need to find something you’re interested in, something that inspires you — otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your life hating it. Talk to your advisor for ideas about majors. Every college has its own career counselor in the Career and Professional Development Center. Talk to yours for job advice.

At least you’re not in CFA,

Patrick Hoskins

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

As a gay guy, I’m constantly getting girls running up to me begging me to be their gay best friend. It’s really annoying, but when I tell them to go away they just think I’m being sassy and keep bugging me. How can I get them to leave me alone?

Thanks,

Seriously Angry at Stupid Sisters

Dear SASS,

Ever since Sex and the City first introduced us to the gay best friend (or was it Will and Grace?), women everywhere have wanted one of their own. Apparently you are now an accessory. Congratulations.

First, try hanging out with a lot of straight guys. Nothing repels women more than straight Carnegie Mellon guys. If a girl manages to breach that first line of defense, you might have to hang out with her. She will unquestionably accept your fashion advice. Use this to your advantage. Dress her in ridiculous outfits, from jeggings all the way up to chicken suits. When she finally catches sight of a mirror, you’ll be kicked to the curb quicker than you can say “fabulous.”

Try to pass off some of those girls to your straight friends,

Brian Hoskins