Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Don’t let your quarter-life crisis take you over. Ease the possible destruction and depression by going on a cartoon TV binge.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Whatever you do, don't listen to the fortune cookie.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

No, you can't count sitting on your couch watching TV and eating different brands of chips all summer long as a marketing internship.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Sunscreen protects your skin from the sun's harmful rays, but there is nothing that can save you from the sun's ability to make you procrastinate.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

No matter how hard you try, your parents will never fully understand what you do at school, which really isn't a bad thing.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Sleep now, for Buggy and Booth loom dangerously near.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

When you buy something online you’re actually spending real money that will come out of your real bank account. Try not to look so surprised.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

It's Monday, Monday, gotta get down on Monday. Gotta get that stupid song out of your head.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

If you know it takes your friends more than an hour to decide what's for dinner, make sure that they are deciding more than hour before most eateries close. If not, I foresee many hungry nights.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

One small but important thing that you should know before any interview is this: What in the world you are interviewing for in the first place?

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

One person's trash may be another person's treasure, but when it comes to music it's another person's headache.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Inside jokes are just rude. They cross the line into being obnoxious when they are printed in a newspaper. Hey, are buses running today?