Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

You have seen many students on campus this winter with novelty winter hats, from panda bears to sharks, but you have the power to one-up them all. This week you must create the greatest hat ever. I expect to see LED lights.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

You have seen many students on campus this winter with novelty winter hats, from panda bears to sharks, but you have the power to one-up them all. This week you must create the greatest hat ever. I expect to see LED lights.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

It’s a perfectly natural reaction — but out of manners and good taste, you should wait until the person is out of earshot before laughing at them for slipping on the ice.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

He or she might be a really interesting and awesome person with a great sense of humor and a kind heart, but remember: It’s nothing more than an academic crush. Once the class is over you won’t see your professor in quite the same light.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

You don’t need me to tell you what the future holds. You need sleep!

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

I’m happy you’re learning a lot in your classes, but if you keep applying what you have learned in psychology or Concepts of Mathematics to things like your friends’ future prospects, you won’t need your textbook to tell you that no one cares.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You are quite confident, and that’s good. However, I advise that when recruiters at the Employment Opportunities Conference ask you what your goals are, don’t tell them that one of them is to be the ruler of the world.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

I’m sorry to tell you this, but Pandora is not in tune with your feelings. Yes, it plays song after song that touches your heart, but I have been told it is just a program of some sort.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Movies aren’t often factual. That being said, after seeing the preview for The Roommate, I strongly advise doing some research on that pull-in you’re going to be living with next semester.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

When you are printing over 60 pages in the cluster three minutes before class, the person behind you isn’t mad at you or wishing you ill. They in fact pity you and are instead cursing your professor.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Considering that this is the Monday after the Superbowl, I really hope that you’re not reading this from jail. If you are, however, I can predict that the rest of your week will be rather interesting, to say the least.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Do something nice this week: Save a ChemE from the cluster.