Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Yes, the weather here has issues. I'm not sure if Pittsburgh exemplifies global warming or if it is just Mother Nature's testing ground for experiments doomed to fail. Either way, try not to let it ruin your week.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Go ahead — look to your fortune cookie instead of your horoscope for advice. But remember you have to add “in bed” to fortune cookies, and that is not always a good thing.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

If the wind is blowing southward, then your day will be great. If it blows to the west, it will be okay. If the wind blows to the east, however, just make sure to watch out for flying nannies.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

The answer that you seek is in the paper in your right pocket. It may not make sense at first, but study it, and soon you will understand.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Expand your circle of friends outside your major or department. Pick up a transitional phrase for the outside major of your interest, and you’ll be conversing in no time.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

You have a severe case of spring fever. The only thing you can do to suppress it is to spread it to others. That way, when you see them all unfocused, you will be struck with the realization that you have work to do.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Find someone who appreciates your favorite childhood TV show — specifically a show that wasn’t popular but is still near and dear to your heart. Trust me, there are still people out there who watch Clarissa Explains it All on YouTube.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Considering that you probably have a midterm exam coming up soon, I would suggest that you finally open the book now.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

You were so happy last Friday because it was so nice outside. It is up to you to make sure that the weather stays that way by making the Pittsburgh weather fairies happy. You must keep at least four CS kids outside.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Tough choices have to be made this week, but if you trust what you know and are a bit bold, things have to be okay. I hope.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Wave and smile at people you don’t know on campus this week and watch what happens to your day. Do the same thing on Pitt’s campus and really see how your day turns out.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

I said it before, but I thought it was best to give you a refreshing update: 11 days until spring break.