Pillbox

Let your inner Romeo shine

A well-timed pick-up line can garner the attention of your object of affection, but be careful: That attention may not always be positive. (credit: Jessica Sochol | ) A well-timed pick-up line can garner the attention of your object of affection, but be careful: That attention may not always be positive. (credit: Jessica Sochol | )

While prowling for the wild male or female in the jungle, one’s best bet to initiate a conversation is to begin with a casual “Hi” followed by a sly, “What brings you here?” However, humans just cannot seem to resist the lure of the pick-up line. The pick-up line — the name alone carries with it a rich, illustrious history of drinks being thrown, doors being slammed, and the ever-pervasive silence after an abruptly-ended phone call.

While pick-up lines do not generally work, they have prevailed throughout the decades as classic rites of passage for young men and women attempting to attract the gender of their preference. Why fight it? It’s practically genetic. This Valentine’s Day, be one of those guys or girls. Pull out a smarmy smile, practice winking, and look at yourself in the mirror and set your eyes to “smolder.” Take the advice of Flynn Rider from the Disney animated movie Tangled: Cock your head back, take on a confident pose, and drawl a charming, “How you doin’?”

There are pick-up lines for every occasion. You do not have to be courting a princess to use one. In fact, pick-up lines have pervaded every culture and subculture, regardless of gender, major, or even level of hygiene.

If you want to sound like you know your way around a computer, try some of these lines:

“You had me at ‘Hello World.’ ”

“You must be Windows 95, because you’ve got me so unstable.”

If math is more your subject:

“My love for you is like a concave-up function — it’s always increasing.”

“By looking at you I can tell you’re 36–25–36 — which, by the way, are all perfect squares.”

“How can I know hundreds of digits of pi and not the seven digits of your phone number?

Do you feel like you’re more of a literary type? Why not drop down some Harry Potter references to woo the apple of your eye?

“I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I’m about to get lucky.”

“If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I’d see the two of us together.”

“Are you using the Confundus charm, or are you just naturally mind-blowing?”

Finally, for those who enjoy the romance of chemicals and the passion of biology, try:

“You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.”

“We fit together like the sticky ends of recombinant DNA.”

“Heisenberg was wrong. I’m certain about what you’re doing tonight.”

This Valentine’s Day, let your inner Romeo shine. Just remember to wear comfortable running shoes in case your object of affection does not react kindly to your words of romance. Do not be deterred by his or her distaste. From a safe distance, just try again. Don’t be scared of the restraining order. As Randy Pausch once said, “Brick walls are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. They are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”