Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

You don’t believe this stuff anyway, so character space will not be wasted on you. Well actually...

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

I’m sorry, but there isn’t an extra hour of daylight now that Daylight Savings has ended. If you didn’t enjoy it yesterday, then you’re out of luck.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

No one likes your dirty pirate potty talk. Clean up your language and be more respectful. That, or learn some new curse words.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

The great and powerful Mark Zuckerberg is coming to campus, and it is your job to bring all of our grievances to the great wizard of the web. Beg him to leave our profiles alone and to not sell so much of our information to others.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Look up. Look down. Look left. Look right. Look forward. Look behind you. No really, look behind you right now. Quick!

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

CIA members are not the only people who get to have fun with fonts. This week, confuse people for fun with crazy typography.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Just because you have some working knowledge of medicine doesn’t mean you know enough to diagnose yourself when you feel sick. Stop playing doctor and go see a real one.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

As you plan your classes for next semester, keep in mind that all work and no fun can make for a sad Tartan. Take a class that will make you happy and help relieve some of the stress of all your required classes.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Those who stalk you really do care. Next time you get another Facebook poke from some guy you don’t know, don’t think of it as an invasion of privacy, but as a poke full of love.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

It is time to learn to just roll with the punches and take life as it comes. No matter what may get in your way, persevere and move forward.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Do well on your entrepreneurship project or be doomed to peddling goods in front of Doherty Hall forever.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

The early bird doesn’t always catch the worm. Sometimes, the early bird just gets eaten by a bigger, nocturnal bird.