Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Although you know others will judge you, shake your groove thang to your favorite ’90s female teen star this week and feel no shame.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Don’t work to gain respect — demand it. Make people love, fear, loathe, and admire every little thing about you.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Don’t ever touch a party person’s Pandora station. You will get hurt.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

What’s your problem, dude?

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

“So What Does it All Mean?” “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?” Do they “Go the Distance” or do they “Start Anew?” The answer can only be found in music.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Make sure you write out your to-do list instead of trying to memorize it. You wouldn’t want to pull a Rick Perry this week, would you?

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You’re pretty awesome, but I don’t think you know that, and that’s a problem. Take it from the heavens above: You rock.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

You like to plan ahead and make sure that all the ‘I’s are dotted and ‘T’s are crossed, and that’s a good thing. This week your plans will be severely interrupted. Don’t freak out, just collect yourself and try again.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

I think Elton John is right. It’s gonna be a long, long night.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

You are waitlisted for a number of important classes, but there is no need to fret. Practice your begging skills and your charm, and you’ll be on the roster in no time.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

You are the best dressed out of all the signs. When it comes to being a fashionista, you’re the very best. In all fairness, though, you do go to Carnegie Mellon and don’t have to work that hard to reach such a status.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Don’t be ashamed of who you are or what you like. This week, wear your personality on your sleeve, and don’t hide from anyone.