Horrorscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Despite your kind and gentle demeanor, there are still people out there who are not moved by your charm. No matter how nice you are, they will still be grumpy and even rude to you.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Your biggest nightmare can be summed up in two words: graduate school.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Congratulations on balancing your schoolwork and your social life this weekend. However, you will soon realize that you could have had even more fun and still have gotten your work done.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Beware of the zombies that roam Carnegie Mellon's campus. Not only do they roam through the library and Gates at night, they also fill your morning classes and are always in line at La Prima.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

This week you will be surrounded by happy, nice, smiling people who will not be put off by your sarcasm. No matter how much you insult them, they will keep wanting to be around you.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Your Mac will come down with a 24-hour virus that will cripple your processing speed, making your computer as powerful and as fast as a PC.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You will be in a mad rush to finish your programming assignment and will find that all of the programming TAs are unreachable.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

You will one day have the power to go back in time. Though you will end world hunger, you will forget to stop the administration from installing "Walking to the Sky."

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Your week is going to be so awesome it's scary. That or you will look back on this week and realize how good you are at suppressing your own nightmares.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Though you will take your professor’s advice when writing your essay, when you get your graded essay back, you will find that your professor has scathing remarks about all of the things he or she suggested.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Your Hulu account will be completely shut down and you will be barred from viewing any YouTube videos.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

You will awaken in the early hours, desperate to turn in a forgotten assignment, and will find that the internet in your dorm has been replaced with dial-up.