Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

As much as we try to avoid them, labels can sometimes be important. This week, think about the labels you assign to the people in your life. Are they all correct, or could some stand a bit of relabeling?

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Say it with me: Midterms are not stressful. Midterms are not stressful.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Like most technologies, TV has become more interactive, but yelling at the people in your TV shows will not change the outcome of the episode. Please stop.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Inspire yourself this week by listening to famous Shakespearean soliloquies. You might not understand everything being said, but the intended emotions will be clear.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Stop lusting over new phones. You’re already in a relationship with your current phone, and the fact that you openly cheat on it by looking for a new model is just shameful.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Fall is here, and that means it is time to gather up all of your favorite sweaters. Everyone will find your collection amazing — especially your vintage Bill Cosby sweater.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Psst. Hey you. Yeah, you. Hey, guess what? You have a lot of patience; don’t let irritating things or people ruin that quality.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

It is your mission to collect all of the fallen leaves on campus. Failure to put the leaves into perfect piles and get your friends to jump onto them will result in dire consequences.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Love is like an addiction, so make sure to enjoy it in moderation as well.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

You talk a lot, but are you really saying anything? Stop assuming others’ reactions and just say what’s really on your mind.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

There is a fine line between passion and obsession. This week, make sure that line is clearly marked, or prepare to be judged.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

Pump up the jams and party, but not so hard — you have midterms this week. Skip the hardcore music and load your Kidz Bop playlist instead.