Horoscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Everyone knows what you are capable of, but try not to burn yourself out this semester; your friends will truly appreciate it.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

It has been more than three weeks since fall semester finals, so it’s time to stop loathing that one professor who prevented your SIO chart from having a slope of zero.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Yes, there is snow on the ground, and you do indeed have on your winter clothes. And yes, one of your professors just walked by you not paying any attention, but no, it wouldn’t be a good idea to throw a snowball at them.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

If you’re looking for a sign of positive reinforcement about a decision you just made, this sadly isn’t it, but it’s a start. Keep looking and the answer will become clear — but if it hasn’t by Thursday then find someone to talk to, and fast.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Be bold, be daring, and get noticed as the kid in the weirdest-colored winter coat there is.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Tonight you will be having the most delicious dinner. Everything will taste great, and even though you are full, you will keep eating because it tastes wonderful. Then, reality will hit and you will sadly realize that you are at Skibo.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

The weather outside is frightful and staying in your bed is much more delightful. But as long as you go to Carnegie Mellon, sleeping in guarantees you’re screwed.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Please do not file a report with Campus Police after buying textbooks. Even though a jury of your peers would gladly convict book publishers for robbery and extortion, Campus Police doesn’t have the manpower to investigate this crime.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

You’re an Ophiuchus now... good luck with that. Sorry, my telescope is too cheap to figure out what the stars are saying in your part of the galaxy.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Just be frank and up front. Let your textbooks know that there is another literary element in your life called a novel, and that you like the novel more.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

The sky looks pissed; the wind talks back. Sadly this is the forecast for the week, and not me singing the first lines to an Ingrid Michaelson song.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

It will be okay — just 49 more days until spring break.