Everything you need to know

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

I’m a new first-year and I’m really excited to be here... I just wish my girlfriend back home felt the same. How do I get her to cool off and stop worrying about “us” so much?

Advice would be nice,

—Longing in distance

Dear LID,

Here’s the deal: Most long-distance relationships don’t work out. “But we’re special! We really love each other! Blah blah blah!” No, you’re not special; that doesn’t help you stay in love with her, and the rest of that was just gibberish. The fact of the matter is that four years is a long time, and during these four years both of you will be changing a lot. Unless you’re one of the lucky few, it’s going to end.

Here’s how to put that end off as long as possible. First, call her a lot. Second, IM each other. It’s a good way to keep in contact since you’ll both be spending a lot of time on the computer. Third, and most importantly, trust her. The two of you will be going months without seeing one another, and trust is the only way to deal with that. There’s no way you can know what your partner is doing at all times, so you have to trust that she’s not running off with some oiled-up crew team member, and she has to trust that you’re not grinding on some drunk chick at a party. If you really care for each other, you need to trust each other.

Here’s hoping it doesn’t blow up in your face,

—Brian Hoskins

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

I’m an incoming H&SS student and I think my OC is one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. How do I get him to ask me out and, most importantly, will he ever drop the “big brother” mindset enough to be interested?

Please help,

—Artist in love

Dear AIL,

A “big brother mindset”? Seriously? You don’t know a lot about OCs. They’re not your brothers; they’re your friends. And like all your friends, some of them want to go out with you. Yes, there are a few OCs who use the honored, cherished position of Orientation counselor to hit on incoming first-years. I know, shocking. However, this is good news for you. A guy counselor on a girls’ floor? He’s probably looking for a cute first-year lady.

Now, there are a few easy ways you can continue this relationship. You probably have his number, so send him a text asking him for help buying books or showing you the best places to eat on campus. Remember, you’re new here — use that to your advantage.

Hopefully he’ll be able to give you a real orientation to college life,

­—Patrick Hoskins