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Compubookie

Credit: Sibel Ergener/Art Staff Credit: Sibel Ergener/Art Staff

Greetings, Buggy lovers. Carnival is around the corner, just in time for my carefully calculated analysis and predictions.
This year has been an interesting one at best. After the snowstorm that shut down Carnegie Mellon, leaving only two and a half weekends of practice before Truck Weekend, this spring has been more accident-prone than any in recent history. With a freshly paved Hill 1 and 2, look for the fastest freeroll times we’ve seen in years. Given the number of accidents and incidents, along with four new and seemingly unproven buggies rolling around the course, we’re set for what may turn out to be one of the most surprising years yet.

Starting with the women: Look for Fringe A’s usual lack of speed in the feminine department to squeeze them into a sixth-place finish. On the other side of that coin, look for SPIRIT A’s mechanical incompetence to slow down their speedy women for a fifth-place finish.

You’ll see SDC B use their buggy to put them in a solid fourth place. PiKA will slide into third place just behind an up-and-coming SigEp A, whose buggy program is really making a push as of late. Of course, SDC A’s speed and technological advantage will place them way ahead of the pack, but don’t expect them to set a new record like they did last year.
For the men, it looks to be a race for second, but let’s start at the back of the pack. Expect to see SDC push three buggies to day two, with SDC C coming in at 10th, somewhere around the 2:15 mark. Assuming PiKA B doesn’t crash in the Chute, expect inexperienced pushers and driver to land them in ninth on day two, if only because of the buggy.

As a dark horse this year, CIA A will come in at eighth with a rigid push bar that should allow them to give their pushers a chance and freeroll times this spring that are keeping them competitive. We’ll see Fringe B show up with a sub-2:15 time to pull off seventh, being slightly edged out by SigNu A, who has shown faster freelroll times than usual but still leaves a lot to be desired in the pusher department. SigEp A will follow up their surprising advancement in speed from last year with a fifth-place finish, behind SDC B at fourth, whose push team would outclass the majority of A teams in the field.

Now for the top three. PiKA A’s unusual lack of new buggy smells of a deficiency in the mechanic department, and this, along with their absence of seasoned pushers, will put them at third place. Fringe has shown nothing but a solid year, rolling well and constantly making me double check my stop watch. Look for Fringe A to improve on their time from last year, but only slightly, to get second place. I don’t expect a sub-2:07 from them. SDC has not made mistakes this year, and in first place this year will be their A team. Expect a sub-2:03 time, as they have shown significant improvement within the past two years, and according to the times I’ve been getting, this trend will continue.

Expect a weekend of speed and hazards, and be sure to check out the three-buggy start on Hill 1. Thanks to the freshly-paved Hills 1 and 2, it’s bound to make things interesting going into the free roll.

Well, that’s all I have for this year; good luck to all the teams. I can’t wait to see this year’s races, but you’ll never notice me.

Women’s:

1) SDC A

2) SigEp A

3) PiKA A

4) SDC B

5) SPIRIT A

6) Fringe A

Men’s:

1) SDC A (4 seconds)

2) Fringe A

3) PiKA A

4) SDC B

5) SigEp A

6) SigNu A

7) Fringe B

8) CIA A

9) PiKA B

10) SDC C

AEPi — One bolt doesn’t work for two wheels.

Beta — Ready for an explosive year?

CIA — Name your new buggy Viagra; “it stays up.”

DTD — Driving To Disappoint.

Fringe — Wait for SDC to miss the push bar, then take the win.

KKG/ZBT — Buggies aren’t built in the kitchen; who wears the pants in this relationship?

PhiKap — Beat your time from ’29.

PiKA — The new SPIRIT; your alumni must be so disappointed in you…

Pioneers — Pioneering failure since 1988.

SAE — Only good for wasting this line.

SigEp — Without PiKA’s help, what will you do?

SigNu — Rolling out of the haze too slowly.

SPIRIT — Did you pass your crash test yet?