Carnivalscopes

Aries
March 21 - April 19

Though you are not appropriately sized for Buggy, you may be able to set a record if you remove your legs.

Taurus
Apr. 20 - May 20

Your booth, though regarded as the best on Midway, will be disqualified because the upper deck is an eighth of an inch too far to the left.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21

Attending the Carnival concert is a terrible idea; your attempt to start a mosh pit will lead to a concussion and a missing canine tooth.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Winning booth games is trivially easy for you. Unfortunately, everybody thinks that you cheat, and you don't get anything for it.

Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22

Your Carnival weekend will be punctuated by a surprise visit from your parents. Instead of a weekend of booths and debauchery, you will spend most of your time touring Pittsburgh's museums.

Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

A tragic fire will destroy your booth, but in a sitcom-esque all-night marathon, you and five friends will rebuild the entire thing. However, a second tragic fire will destroy that as well.

Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Your death at the hands of a crazed Carnival committee member is tragic and will be remembered by the massive bloodstain left on Midway.

Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Add your own blood into the red paint on your booth. That way, you can sell pieces of it to your fans 15 years in the future.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Change your booth plans to include the image of Gandhi in a top hat and a zoot suit.

Capricorn
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

This year, like so many others before, will result in a booth collapse. Unfortunately, this year it is your turn. Nobody is injured, but your pride will never recover.

Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Instead of watching Buggy, fly to Barcelona and watch a bullfight. Those are more fun anyway.

Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20

The Carnival concert will be awesome for you. Joining the mosh pit is the best thing you could do. You may even give someone a concussion.