Pillbox

Everything you need to know

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

I fly Southwest, and every time I’m getting on my plane to Pittsburgh, there are tons of really smoking hot girls on the flight who go to Pitt, Point Park, and sometimes even Carnegie Mellon! The flight has open seating; do I just sit next to a girl? What if one sits next to me?

—Miles higher

Dear Miles,

This is one of the most troubling social questions to date, and one Brian and I have discussed extensively on our own flights. The three different boarding groups (A, B, and C) each have different kinds of girls, and you need to put yourself in the position to find the one that is right for you. Any passenger in the A group is going to be really conscientious. Who else would take the time to confirm their flight at exactly the right time? The B girls are going to be laid-back types, and the C girls are going to be complete flakes who forgot they even had a flight.

As the different groups get on the plane, you need to position yourself in the right boarding group. The optimal choice is to be in the mid- to late-B range so you can nonchalantly sit anywhere. When you get there, be sure to strike up a conversation immediately. Don’t worry about messing up; she can’t walk away from you at 30,000 feet!

Fly closer to the sun,

—Patrick Hoskins

Dear Hoskins Brothers,

I met this girl and we really hit it off, but I haven’t had a chance to talk with her since! I only ever bump into her at the entrance to our building, and I hold the door for her to get in. She always seems happy to see me. How do I go from opening the door to opening her heart?

—Patiently awaiting talking time with you

Dear P.A.T.T.Y.,

First things first, you need to be sure your door-opening sends the right message. Don’t open the door too soon; it seems way too needy. If you have to, slow down when you know she’s walking behind you to ensure good door arrival time. Also, open the door to an angle between 90 and 85 degrees. Over 90 and she’ll think you’re a pushover. Under and you seem a little less interested.

Next, after letting her through, be sure to walk beside her, not behind her, down the hall. Since your entire relationship seems to be door-centered, try and use that shtick to start talking. Ask her if she knows how to open a door or, for that matter, tie her shoes, call elevators, or pump gas (Jersey girls only). It’s important that you develop an inside joke with her and form some sort of history.

That ought to put your foot in the door,

—Brian Hoskins

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